Say What You Want

Disclaimer: Title by Texas and the story is inspired by the song with the same title (no, not the one ft. Method Man, no not the one from the Bridget Jones Diary 2 Soundtrack, but the original). CSI and CSI characters belong to CBS et al. The actual story and the idea behind it are mine. However, I’m not going to copyright any part of the story or make any money from it.

PART 2
She watched the gull sail effortlessly through the sky; wind strong under its wings. The white/gray bird gradually disappearing against the backdrop off an overcast sky. Pushing away from the hood of her black car, she walked towards the window on the driver’s side and grabbed her ringing phone.

‘Willows.’ She moved the phone to her other ear. ‘Sara, what…’ Sighing she leaned back against the car, listening to the voice that somehow always made her uncomfortable. The continuous ripple of waves down below helped keep her calm when she answered: ‘I’m out at Lake Mead I’m not driving back just to sign a report. It can wait till next shift… I’ll say hi to her this afternoon… He isn’t with me.’

The silence on the other end was clearly stunned and she used it to say goodbye and hang up. The phone ended up on the driver’s seat again and she hoisted herself onto the hood, feet on the bumper. Why Sara would ask after Chris she didn’t know, but she didn’t like it. Chris was a bastard and long gone but she wasn’t going to share that with her colleague. Besides there was nothing to share: the pain had dulled, life went on. The constantly shifting different shades of gray, brown and black ahead of her eventually soothed her thoughts.

The sound of a softly rumbling car engine coming closer and the crunching of tires on the loose soil pulled her out of her reverie. She looked up just as the driver cut the engine and stepped out of the car.

‘Catherine.’

She looked at her, but didn’t answer.

‘You all right?’

Catherine looked away, sighed but didn’t answer. A tight feeling seizing her chest, she didn’t know what to do with it.

‘Cath…’

‘I’m all right Sara. Did you bring the report for me to sign? It could easily have waited you know.’

‘Uh no, didn’t bring it.’

Catherine looked back at Sara. She was suddenly a lot closer, almost standing next to her. ‘Then why are you here?’

Sara shrugged. ‘Wanted to see you.’ Gracefully she slid up on the hood next to Catherine. Silence stretched out around them quickly, easily suppressing the soft sounds of the water, wind and small animals surrounding them.

‘I’m not really in the mood,’ Catherine eventually ground out.

‘You don’t have to be.’

The words were said with such gentleness and lightness, they created the space Catherine needed to breathe again. Tears rose in her eyes, but stayed there. A quick nod was her only reaction and she settled back in to watch the shifting colors across the water surface. The silence less deafening now.

When the clouds disappeared and the air heated beyond what they could bare in their decent work wear, Sara slid of the hood as gracefully as she’d slid on it and held out her hand. ‘I’ll buy you lunch.’

Catherine shook her head. ‘I need to sleep before I pick up Linds.’

‘You also need to eat. I know you haven’t since you started shift yesterday.’

‘I picked something up on my way here.’

‘No you haven’t.’

She could see Sara hold her breath; it was a pretty daring thing to say with their loose tempers. But, oddly, Catherine felt a shiver at the casual caring and perceptiveness Sara showed, not the flare of her anger and besides Sara was right. Catherine grabbed the outstretched hand and slid of the car as well. ‘Okay, you lead the way then.’

Sara pulled up at a drive-through while Catherine waited in her own car at the side of the road, wondering what Sara would bring her. A few minutes later they were on their way again, heading towards her home Catherine soon realized. The idea relaxed her; she could crawl right into bed afterwards if she wanted.

In her kitchen the silence started to get to her again setting her teeth on edge. ‘You can talk to me you know, what’s the point of being here otherwise?’

Sara put the plates down and turned her eyes towards the blonde. She opened her mouth as if to speak but then closed it again.

‘What? What is it? Why are you here? Why did you want to see me?’

Sara sighed. ‘Look, I know we’re not very close, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like you. Occasionally I just want to see you; even when we’re working the same case we sometimes hardly see each other.’

‘So, what is this? You get to satisfy some selfish need; have lunch with me, pretend we’re great friends? Life isn’t always about what you want you know!’

‘And what do you want?’

‘What I want?’ Catherine raked her fingers through her hair in agitation. ‘I want a fight!’ she snarled.

Sara visibly hesitated before fire flared in her eyes. ‘Fine! Come on pick a fight. Should be easy enough, it seems to be a real talent with you.’

‘And what is that supposed to mean? Like you don’t have a temper? Like you don’t rant and rave every time you have a bad day? Like you don’t stomp out of a room like a spoiled little brat when things don’t go your way?’ Catherine glared at her as she paused to catch her breath. ‘Do I need to refresh your memory? ‘Cause I can you know, the list is long enough.’

‘It has nothing on yours!’

‘That the best you have little miss Sidle?’

‘My tongue isn’t as vicious as yours Ms. Bitch.’

‘Oh I think you do vicious pretty well. Get out!’ Catherine’s eyes would have turned Sara into a pile of ash if they’d held that power, but Sara managed to stand her ground.

‘No! We’re going to have lunch.’ She sat down, unwrapping the burritos she’d bought, putting one on each plate before looking back at Catherine.

‘What? You’re just going to pretend everything is fine?’

‘You are capable of doing two things simultaneously, right?’ Sara taunted.

The table shook under Sara’s hands as Catherine slammed the door to the kitchen shut behind her. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Sara picked up her burrito.

Thirty minutes later Sara rose and went in search of Catherine. She found her in the upstairs bedroom. The comforter turned back to make room for the slim body, she was lying with her clothes still on and her feet dangling over the side to keep her shoes of the bed. Her eyes were closed but her body sent clear signals that she wasn’t sleeping.

Sara watched her for a while, until she couldn’t stand it anymore. She had to remind herself that this woman was worth conquering her fear of rejection for, before she could start to move towards her instead of away from her. Walking around the bed to the unoccupied side, she sat down with her back towards the other woman.

‘Haven’t you had enough yet?’ Catherine asked eventually, but the question held no fire.

Sara lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. ‘Enough of you?’

It took a while before Catherine answered and when she did, it was so quietly her answer could barely be heard. ‘Yeah.’

‘No. No, I haven’t.’ A slow smile spread across her face. It felt good to be so sure of her feelings and not hide them for once.

Catherine turned on her other side, facing Sara. ‘Why are you smiling?’

Sara turned from her study of the ceiling to smile into clear blue eyes. ‘It’s good to be here.’

Leisurely a hand reached out to Sara’s face, gently caressing a cheek. ‘I don’t know what to do with you.’

‘I think you do, al you have to do…’ Sara’s smile grew into a full-fledged grin, ‘is actually do it,’ she ended teasingly.

Rising up on one elbow, Catherine leaned closer studying dark brown eyes looking straight into hers. She closed the distance between them slowly but deliberately until they were almost touching. Catherine’s eyes flicked to Sara’s mouth before coming back to her eyes. She kept their gazes locked until the very last moment as she inched nearer. Only shutting her eyes as their lips touched in a soft kiss.

Opening her mouth to Catherine, Sara could almost taste the fear on Catherine’s tongue. Gently she pulled away. ‘Catherine?’

A guarded gaze met hers.

‘I want you. I want to get to know you better. I want to spend time with you.’ She tightened her hold on the body in her arms, hoping the gesture would lend Catherine the confidence she needed. ‘Don’t be afraid.’

This time Catherine’s kiss, although still gentle, held some of the passion and fire Sara loved. The soft firmness of Catherine’s lips, the wet heat of her tongue, the urgency to be close, to be together, to believe that Sara could feel in the kiss filled her until she was brimming with a desire to never let go.

When they stopped minutes later, Sara didn’t let go and Catherine didn’t pull away, she snuggled closer nestling her face in the crook of Sara’s neck.

‘I have to tell you something.’

‘Hm?’ Catherine murmured against her skin.

‘I have met your sister.’

Lyrics to Say What You Want

Part Three: Hallelujah I Love Her So